P u n c t u r e d B u b b l e

So i am going to cut my hair shorter this week, i want to do a cross between twiggy and Audrey hepburn's short hair, but i can't find a good picture of either, does anyone know where i might find one?

sometimes i find myself wishing i was away when i read things from friends off at school, but then i see my mind decieving me. I do want to be away. but not at school (i mean i did that and i wasn't impressed). I want to get on with my life, skip this whole school part, go away, but to start the rest of my life. does that make sense?

anyway, my travel begins. Chris and myself are going to Kaua'i for a whole week. hiking, surfing, photoing, diving. It is going to be amasing, or so i can only assume. And i'm looking into going to Australia for a semester next year. I like how i'm taking serious steps towards what will make me happy.

speaking of which, i think i would like very much to be a fashion photographer. I can't tell you how ironic i find this, seeing as how im undeniably disconcerned with fashion. I just can't help be drawn to fashion photography though, there is something about the crazy, unconventional, impractical clothing never worn by anyone but the starved sticks of the runway that makes me want to photograph it. I guess it's because the clothing itself is really more a work of art then something to wear, and those girls, they can't be real people. Fashion shots are always so beautiful and created. i dunno, i guess will have to see, i mean it IS fashion, and i don't know if i could stand models in person, i mean as beautiful as they can be, it always seems that the second they open thier mouths they are obnoxious and goofy or obnoxious and arogant. Right now i'm pretty much letting life take me, and it seems to be working out pretty well.

sorry if this doesn't make sense. i'm tired and exhausted.

So... I've been out of high school for a year now. Only have one semester completed... and i'm now enrolled in my 3rd school.
Starting August 31 i will be attending scruffolk... as a photo major.
just thought someone might be interested.



closing shifts on saturday followed by opening shifts on sunday suck. they suck a lot. must go shower and try to sleep. my body is tired but my brain is not.

I'm trying to get all my Livejournal friends' locations plotted on a map - please add your location starting with this form. Username: (Then get your friends to!)

So... as i was re-reading the The Orderof the Phenoix after finishing the Half-Blood Prince i had a revelation about R.A.B, which lead to a conversation which lead to some interesting, maybe even far fetched ideas, anyway, i am putting the conversation here incase anyone would like to read, think, and tell me what they think, cause you know, i'm a big nerd and i'd love that(please people, read it, i need to talk potter), so, here it is:
( Read more... )

1. Think of the first word that comes to mind when you think of me.
2. Go to http://images.google.com and search for that word.
3. Reply to this post with one of the pictures in the results (don't tell me the word).
4. Put this in your own blog so that I can do the same.

thought this was fun. Found in the ivy's journal.

Voltaire- monday night- NYC- $6.00
Any takers??

I want so much more out of life then what i'm setting myself up for. I don't want to work in an office, or any environment with much structure to it. I don't know why i attend school at this part. I don't much, and when i do i'm hardly paying attention. I just don't care, i'm not interested in a single class on my schedule...looking over my required classes for the next 3 years, i will never attend a class i'm the least bit interested. This is very depressing to think about, the more i pretend to want to be on this path, the more detached from reality i become, and i'm not even into a realm of my imagination, a place i like to be, it's more like an empty catatonic state, a numb feelingless place.

I went without inspiration for most of the semester... not just inspiration of mind, but inspiration of life... i couldn't force myself to do anything, i didn't want to do anything. i wanted to sleep, a lot.

This past week something happened...

I seem to be drowning under this enormous wave of inspiration, the only way to catch my breath is to first exhale- let out everything that is building up inside me... so many ideas. I want to be free to create, i want to dedicate my life to my art. Yet... at the same time i want to be able to comfortably support myself, i don't want to rely on anyone (finacially anyway, i'm never going to be able to stop myself from relying on others emotionally...).

I could be happy in a studio appartment with a tiny bathroom and half kitchen... i mean a real studio appartment, cement floor, a giant window that cast the perfect light, a king size bed that is never made, the place is very organized, in the messiest way possible...my own photography is randomly hung around the walls, next to that of my friends' art. There are camera supplies all over and a wooden table strewn with super sculpy, paint, and paint brushes getting wrecked in empty jelly jars of foggy water. I wake up early, leaving behind a warm body dreaming in my bed, and sneak down to take pictures of the dew covered streets before the world wakes up. Life would be beautiful, like modern silent film, were the most important things are the colors and the soundtrack.

this would be my ideal situation. Enough money for the rent and food to keep me satisfied (and to keep my art going of course)


i feel a life style like this is a way to feel fulfilled, but at the same time i am backhanded in the face by the fear that it is quite unrealistic. I suppose that's what keeps me going on this drabe path to the mundane.

If only i had the courage to break free of 'comfortable' and follow my heart... if i did...even if it went horribly wrong...at least then i'd know, because right now 'What-could-be' is eating at the very core of my being.

i'm sick and really bored. so:
( Photo Post )

Your Love Style is Eros

For you, love is all about the passion! And chances are, you're currently in love. You have a strong physical response to love... And you are great at committing (As long as the person makes your toes curl!)

so i'm broken again...my body is trying to reject me, i just know it.
a few days ago i got this pain on my stomach muscles that felt like my belly button was trying to rip out of the depths of my body, it felt like a really bad bruise. i thought it was a pulled muscle, it hurt to cough or laugh, or if i pressed on it. By the third afternoon, while i was at work it became excruciating, i couldn't move with out hurting, and i couldn't bend in half at all and when i almost sneezed i had to look down to see if an organ popped out. I started to worry that i had a hernia but nothing was protruding out of my stomach...or so i thought... When i further inspected, the bottom and side of my belly button was bumping out, very red and my stomach was so swollen i looked 3 months pregnant. It hurt more and more as i drove and i wound up getting hysterical, i called home and my boyfriend to tell them i had to go to a docter. chris, extremely worried, rushed over and him and my mom both thought my appendix was going to pop. We got to the emergency room around 10pm and didn't get out until about 3am. first the docter said it was an infection (relief) then he came back, pressed my stomach in pain and told me i might have a hernia so then i had to drink this HUGE styrofoam cup of grapefruit and robitussin tasting radio active juice. It was gross and i had little hope my bladder could hold it all so i didn't want it. But chris, being crazy and worried decided we were going to finish it playing a drinking game...then we waited and waited and waited and finally got a catscan (2am). well, this was a long pointless story but i don't have a hernia, just a very bad infection of my umbilicus...stupid martian birth scars.

i love you all.

you shouldn't go here because you'll probly just get pissed off.
people like this annoy the hell out of me, hardly any of them know what the hell they are talking about, and almost all of them are just as pig-headed, hypocritical, and ignorant as the person they insault. someone says something and another  person gives a nasty reply  about how wrong their opinion was and what a jerk they are...yet by acting like that they are being just as bad but for the opposite side of the argument. It's absolutly ridiculous. WHY do people insist on opening their mouths without educating themselves first? And why anyone would use micheal moore's Farenheit 9/11 to support their arrgument is BEYOND me.
     i spent the last hour reading a similar argument about abortion.... which also annoyed me to no end. I wound up very very angry and just wanted to see some deccent art as deviantart always provides, and yet i get greeted by village idiots from around the world. Also... if they are going to debate, why can't they do it in a civilized manner? why must they automatically call the person a 'fucking moron' for their opinion. I beleive everyone's opinion should be respected, if i'm not mistaken, freedom of speech is a great thing about America. Hear them politely and mabey they'll hear you. I mean... i am no Bush supporter, but this is ridiculous. Bush is our president, he can't be re-elected, He's our president for the next 4 years, so maybe, we should stop making ourselves so angry with all the negative things about our current government and try to buck up before tons of that angry ghostbuster2 sludge builds up under anti-war protests and the conservatives they piss off and the whole counrty is swallowed up in some crazed paranormal event! is that what you want?! IS IT?!?!?! ...nobody wil have anything to say then. conspiracy theories always seem to lighten my moods.

1. Comment with your name, and I will reply with something I really like about you.
2. I will then tell what song(s) remind me of you.
3. Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity/animated or otherwise.
4. Last, I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
5. Put this in your journal.


i am bored with life right now, but i guess that's my own problem.

I'm trying to make an ultimate summer cd... i have some things, but i need suggestions, because i don't have enought to make the cd yet.

so... summer songs??

GOOD summer songs, anyone???

how fitting:

Discover your Zodiac Personality @ Quiz Me

Your Seduction Style: Ideal Lover

You seduce people by tapping into their dreams and desires. And because of this sensitivity, you can be the ideal lover for anyone you seek. You are a shapeshifter - bringing romance, adventure, spirituality to relationships. It all depends on who your with, and what their vision of a perfect relationship is.

so, my birthday is comming up and i miss ma' peeps yo', so those of you that aren't off at school in far away lands will be going out to frolic with me... or ELSE! Andy, jay, joe... THAT MEANS YOU, cause i love you all!!!! and anyone else who loves me, you'll come too. kay?!

as for natalie and mikki... my HOME girls, um, i'm comming to see you.

"How can you give up a continent for an island? He has a right for his remains to be where he would love them to be. This was his mission. Ethiopia is his spiritual resting place." - Rita Marley

great things will come of this, i want to go to ethiopia. I don't think that will happen though.

I've been thiking a lot lately. I want to go somewhere and start over. Stop everything i am doing, and start something else. i think that will happen.

i took up glass blowing. Off-hand and on.

we'll see where everything takes me.

everyone keeping me here is leaving (for the most part)

so i have to remove them and see what's left, what is going to keep me here?

nothing really, not that i don't like what's left, just...there has always been that pull, and you say, well... i don't really have to do that right now, and besides there is this and this so...maybe later.

well, it's later, and things change, people change, and i don't want to go where there going either, and i don't want to stay. I DON'T want to go to school(i am not sure i'm going to stay in it...i mean, when our parents were growing up most people didn't go to school, they learned a trade or did what-ever else, school was only for people who really wanted it, from personal experiance and observation school is, now, a place for people to go to be 'on there own' and party and whatever the hell else, or people whose parents make them go to school, it's not so many people that go to school to learn lately, so i don't see the point).... but i don't know what i do want to do. I want to up and leave, like in ghost world...but i'd call some of you after i got where ever it was i was going.

one day. sonner than i think.

There is more to life than work and school. If there wasn't there would be no point to living. i have to start making time for the things i want to do. Like seeing people i havn't seen in a while, and actually doing things i say i'm going to. And with that, my goals for 2005 (now...i'm not usually one to set 'goals' but i think it's needed)
within the next year i will:
-Take up glass blowing
-begin to learn Sign language
-Plan a trip to Australlia for myself

It's 2:00 AM. I'm sitting in a hotel room. The Marriot at Tampa, Florida international airport. The veiw from my 5th story window has gotten increasingly better since 8 this morning when, at first glance, it seemed like a dingy concrete jungle made up of parking garages and runways and tram bridges that connect everything. At that point i had been up for over 24 hours. Wed. We had class, there was lots of hurricaine talk... Classes were canceld as of 5 pm,not to ressume until tuesday morning. Hurricaine parties soon began,and most people began to flee. At this time Frances was a stage 4 planning to come ashore right ontop of our dear little Melbourne. My roomates and myself decided it would be fun to stick around and watch the show; after all, our building is hurricaine strong and evacuation was not mandatory. 9pm that evening we get a knock on the door. Class 5, hotel in tampa, you should leave... you have to leave. I was pretty set on not leaving. 33Hours and 600dollars later meak little frances backed to a class three and i'm sitting in Tampa at 3 Am in my best friends' clothes, staring out a window wall at a beautiful sea of light ... kind of like an evening gown for the concrete monster i saw this morning... the lights on the island out past the causeway flicker, and it reminds me of my last birthday... 18. I was flying to conn.for dinner withsome friends from class. Flying at night is oneof the greatest ways to escape reality that i have found. It's so calm and so beautiful. I remember looking at the ground alot, it was gorgeous,how it glowed, i just couldn't describe it....Chris, now one of my best friends (and more), who was my instructor at the time, started talking about how beautiful it was, and how it always reminded him of embers glowing in a dying fire. He went into such amasing detail and it was like some one painted a picture in words of the picture i couldn't put into words from my brain.... Things are beautiful right at this second and i will always appriciate that. I miss everyone but i may be seeing you sooner than i thought... i will post about school tommorrow maybe... well today... what ever... I find myself reading everyone's livejournal and can't help feel like i've done something wrong, everyone else seems happy with their choice of school choice of life.... where did i go wrong? i'm struggling to make a decission by tuesday...more on this tommorrow, the laptop battery is dying and i'm off to climb to the top of the 12 story parking garage to take pictures of the night.... i feel like i'm loosing pieces of myself. Like there is a hole in the pocket i keep my life in and with every step i scatter little bits around for others to find, but it happens so gradually i don't even notice until i am a completely different person... what movie is that???? where she talks about a theif who comes into your house and takes one small thing everyday, so you dont' even notice, until eventually you look around and their is nothing left to stay for.... i think it was a discription of death(a not so dramatic one)... from what movie? i want to breath in the night air again and have that mean something...

Did you ever find someone that you never want to let go of? that you never want to let go of you?
you can never explain it to anyone, but it's there.
and what kills you is knowing in a few days you may never see them again, and you know you're loosing something precious... and what's worse is that you could stop them from leaving your life. because you can talk to them, but for some reason you can't. So you'll loose it. and you'll think about how you lost that, and you'll feel slightly empty from knowing you could have stopped it....but slightly warmer knowing how they made you feel all that time.
even though 'all that time' is not very long at all.
i hope i don't loose them.



i'm absolutly crazy for every one i meet. head over heels inlove. people are just so interesting.

i'm at a weird turn in the road.

me and mikki sat like walls to not be in gym.
last day of school